Laura’s boyfriend, Mark, was going away on a camping trip with his buddies. They had been dating for around five months and Laura trusted Mark, so she texted him a racy photo of herself.

When Mark got out to pump gas, he left his phone in the car. One of Mark’s friends found the picture and forwarded it to all of Mark’s contacts. Within hours, every person at her high school had seen the suggestive photo of Laura. 

Laura was bullied at school for the next few months and the tension finally caused her to break up with Mark. As the school year ended, Laura couldn’t help but wonder how one picture had caused her so much trouble.

Why Should You Avoid Sending Explicit Messages

Laura didn’t know it but she had stumbled into the world of sexting, sending sexually explicit text messages.

Whether you’re texting your boyfriend or posting racy photos online, sending explicit content can have serious, long-lasting consequences.

Once you send that photo or text message, you lose control of who sees it. Your image could stay stored on cell phones, computers, or even the Internet for years to come.

Imagine your dream college. If the person reviewing your application  found racy photos of you online, it might hurt your chances of acceptance.

Those same photos could also be viewed by your future boss, your grandma and one day, by the man that will become your husband.

How To Avoid Sexting

Avoid explicit conversations. If things start getting inappropriate, a simple: “g2g ttyl” is usually an effective way to end the conversation.

Don’t chat late at night. It’s easy to cross lines at one in the morning that we’d never cross during the day.

Think before you send! Ask yourself how comfortable you’d feel if your parents found your phone. If you cringe just thinking about it, you have your answer.

Have You Ever Been Pressured To Sext?

Have you ever sexted or known a friend who had? What were the consequences? You can click here to comment. You can comment anonymously by typing ‘anonymous’ in the name field.

Photo by: David Castillo Dominici

Josh and Ava met on a youth group outing to the movies. There was an instant spark, a connection between them. They exchanged phone numbers after the movie and Josh texted her the next day.

They texted for a couple of weeks before Josh got up the nerve to ask her out. Josh was a great guy but there were little things about their relationship that bothered Ava.

Once when she was out with friends at a local skating rink, Ava didn’t hear her cell phone ring and missed three calls from Josh. When she finally called him back, Josh insisted she was cheating on him. 

Sometimes, Josh would say mean things to her, too. Like how her favorite jeans made her look chubby and once when she wore a low cut top, Josh called her a slut.

He always wanted to know where Ava was and who she was with. Sometimes, he even made sure she was where she said she would be by checking up on her.

The more Josh demanded from her, the more Ava tried to please him. She blamed herself. Maybe if she were a better girlfriend, Josh wouldn’t have to be angry with her all the time.

What Is Teenage Dating Violence?

What comes to your mind when you think of abuse? Do you immediately think of hitting or punching?

You’re not alone on that. Ava would never describe her boyfriend’s behavior as “abusive”. Abuse to Ava would mean pulling her hair or kicking her, not putting her down in front of her friends or accusing her of cheating.

The sad fact is abuse is a form of teenage dating violence. Teenage dating violence occurs when one teenager intentionally and repeatedly hurts their partner. Your boyfriend might even do some of the same things Josh did.

Warning Signs of Abuse

One day, Ava stumbled onto a website about teen dating violence. Ava recognized some of Josh’s behaviors in the list below:

• Name calling
• Possessiveness
• Making decisions for you
• Outbursts of anger
• Hurting you physically
• Limiting your time with your family or friends
• Demanding to know where you are or who you’re with
• Monitoring your phone or computer without your permission
• Checking up on you to see if you’re where you said you’d be

What Should You Do?

As Ava began researching abuse, she knew she wanted to break up with Josh, but she was afraid. She was afraid of Josh’s reaction and of being alone. She’d been with Josh for so long that she couldn’t remember what it felt like to be alone.

It’s normal to feel a little lost and confused when you recognize abusive patterns in a relationship. You might not even know if you can function without your boyfriend anymore.

Break-ups can really hurt. It can be hard to know if it’s time to move on. If you’re thinking of ending your relationship, write down your reasons.

Then, go to a trusted adult and explain your reasons for wanting to end things. A trusted adult can be a great sounding board and may be able to help you work through your feelings.

If you decide to go through with the break-up, choose your break-up location carefully. You want a public place with a friend or two nearby. Make sure someone knows where you are and what time you should be home.

Ava went through with her planned break-up in a public location. While it was difficult to end things, she felt a huge weight lift from her shoulders after it was over.

If You’re Staying

You may decide to stay with your boyfriend. If that’s the case, then write down your reasons and talk them over with a trusted adult. An adult might be able to help you talk through how you feel about what’s happening or give you advice about how to handle it.

In the meantime, avoid being alone with your boyfriend whenever possible. Instead, try to encourage group activities and call frequently when you’re out to let others (like friends and family) know where you are and when they can expect you to be home.

Your Thoughts

What advice would you give someone dealing with teenage dating violence? Leave your comments by clicking here.

Resources

Love is Respect

Teen Dating Violence Month

Image by: ambro

happy teenage girl with her parents

When I was a teenager, my mom was pretty relaxed. I got to do almost everything I wanted to do.

She’d let me read the books I wanted to, listen to the music I liked, and watch the movies I chose.

My friends were jealous. Their parents had a lot more rules than mine did.

What was the deal? Is it just that some parents are more relaxed than others? 

Why Trust Is Worth Building

No, it wasn’t just that my mom was relaxed. A big part of our relationship came down to a simple five letter word: trust.

I trusted my mom.

She trusted me.

Trust is the currency of any relationship. Think of it this way: Every time you’re honest with your parents, you make a deposit in their trust account. Every time you lie, you withdraw some of that trust.

Just like you can use cash to buy a new outfit, you can use your parents’ trust to get more privileges (like a later curfew or an advance on next week’s allowance).

How To Earn Parental Trust

So, how do you build that trust account? You have to invest in your trust account. This means you’ll probably do a lot of trustworthy things before you see some results. If you need a place to start, try doing these things:

Open up your world to them. When my sisters and I were kids, we would pretend we had something in our fist and we wouldn’t let the other ones see it. Naturally, this only increased our desire to find out what our sibling had.

Parents are like this, too. If you shut them out of your world (who you’re hanging out with, what your school day was like, etc), then your parents are only going to want to be more involved.

But if you’re up front with them, they won’t pry as much. If you tell them you’re hanging out with Jennifer and you’ve already had a conversation about who Jennifer is, then they’re less likely to hassle you.

Ask for their advice. Believe it or not, this actually works! You might think, “If I go to my parents with this problem, they won’t see me as responsible”, but the opposite is true.

When you come to your parents, they think, “I can trust Rachel because she’ll ask for my advice if she runs into trouble.”

What happens then is your parents give you more responsibilities and privileges because they see you’re willing to listen. It’s another deposit in that trust account you’re building with them.

Be responsible even when they aren’t looking. OK, so maybe your mom doesn’t check to see if you water the dog everyday or finish your homework before you hang out with friends, but make it a habit to act responsibly when your parents aren’t looking.

If they suddenly decide to check up on you, all they’ll see is how responsible you are. Not only will they be proud, they’ll also be confident about trusting you with bigger things (like maybe the keys to the car!).

How Have You Earned Your Parents’ Trust?

What would you recommend doing to earn trust from parents? Click here to leave a response, so that other teens can benefit, too!

Image by: photostock

When I was in junior high, a girl I’d known all my life suddenly stopped talking to me. I made every effort to be kind to her. I tried to start conversations with her only to be met with one word answers.

I smiled at her and she would turn around as if I didn’t exist. She used every opportunity to make me feel excluded. 

Finally, I stopped making any effort at all and that ended things. Looking back with a little more maturity, I can see she was a mean girl.

If you know one, you already know a mean girl thinks it’s cute or funny to gossip about, ignore, or mistreat other girls. They thrive on making the girls who don’t fall into their hierarchy miserable.

Why Are Girls Mean?

What’s the deal? Why are teen girls so cruel? For some, it’s a game with you randomly picked as the target. Other girls are intimidated by you. Why?

Because you have something they want. You might have your own sense of style or a great boyfriend or a large group of friends. Looking back, I think my own mean girl was jealous because I had (and still have) awesome relationships with my friends and family.

How Should You Handle Your Mean Girl?

Dealing with a mean girl is draining for even the strongest girl. Because I’ve been there, I’m sharing my five tips for surviving them. 

1. Watch her actions, not her words. Mean girls will try to cozy up to you to if they think they can get what they want, but stay on guard. Mean girls are experts at using their words to get their way. But if you stay focused on her actions, you’ll be less likely to be swayed by pretty speeches.

2. Don’t give a mean girl space in your head. It’s easy to let the negative things others say about us become our mental soundtrack. But here’s what you gotta know: mean girls lie. They’ll say anything to get you to doubt yourself.

3. Talk to someone. This one’s important. Having someone else listening can make all the difference between feeling totally alone or feeling totally supported. Talking about a painful situation will help you feel better, too.

4. Do something that makes you feel good. What do you enjoy doing that makes you feel like you? Do you write? Draw? Sing? Stay connected to activities that you love. They can be great stress busters!

5. Make healthy choices that help you feel empowered. When you’re being bullied by mean girls, it’s easy to feel powerless. Take back your control by making choices that empower you like eating healthy and working out.

Have You Known A Mean Girl?

Have you ever had your own mean girl?  What do you wish you’d done?  Share your stories in the comments!

Image by: David Castillo Dominici