As a teen, I struggled with a lack of confidence. I didn’t like to talk to other people because I was afraid I sounded like an idiot.

Since that wasn’t fun, I decided to learn how to become more confident by doing a few things differently.

If you’re a teen who struggles with your self-confidence, I have great news. You can be more confident just like I did.

But first, let’s check out confidence is…and what it’s not. 

What Is Confidence?

Confidence is trusting your decisions and judgement. It’s choosing to believe in yourself or your abilities.  It isn’t overestimating your abilities but knowing and trusting yourself.

For instance, I know I’m a good writer. I’m confident in my writing abilities. I also know I’m a good listener and I’m confident in that area. Think of something you’re good at. Maybe it’s writing poetry or skateboarding or knitting. Whatever it is, you’re confident, right?

So let’s take that same confidence and transfer it to other areas of your life!

Four Tips To Being A More Confident You

1. Stop Listening.

Every girl has a mental iPod playing. It goes something like this: “You’re too fat. You’re too ugly. You’re worthless. What guy is ever going to want you? No one really likes you; they tolerate you. You’re an idiot.”

Cutting off that mental iPod is the first step to boosting your confidence.   When I hear these things in my head, I click the skip button just like I do in real life. I list a quality I like about myself. I think I’m compassionate and I like that about me. What do you like about yourself?

2. Look in the Mirror.

I felt self-conscious because I didn’t like the way my hair was cut. Only another girl can understand how a bad haircut can really lower your confidence.

If you see something in the mirror that you don’t like about yourself, it’s OK to fix it. Maybe you have bad acne. Not only are there plenty of treatment options, there are also Youtube videos that detail how to hide it.  Figure out what’s draining your confidence then fix it.

3. Wear Something That Boosts Your Confidence.

For me, that’s my favorite pair of red converse They remind that life needs color and to be bold in my choices.

Every time I wear them, I get a confidence boost. These have quickly become my go to shoes when I’m feeling low. And a girl can never own too many cute shoes.

Your confidence item doesn’t have to be shoes. It could be the necklace your best friend gave you or the jeans that you borrowed from your sister. The point is find something that makes you feel confident and wear it on those tough days.

4. Act Confident.

When you walk into a room, hold your head high. Meet everyone else’s gaze with a smile. Keep your back straight and don’t look at the floor as you walk (this one might take some practice). By acting confident, you’ll begin to feel confident.

Once when I was in a meeting and feeling nervous but I acted confident the whole time. At the end of the meeting, someone complimented me on my confidence!

Your Thoughts

What’s something you’re good at that helps you feel confident? You can click here to comment. You can also comment anonymously by typing ‘anonymous’ in the name field.

photo by: Stuart Miles

When you’ve seen a family member with a bruise the size of a saucer on her leg and know her boyfriend put it there, you learn a few things about some guys.

Not every guy is gonna treat you like the beautiful daughter of God’s you are and you’re far too precious to Your Heavenly Father to accept a lesser guy.

While it’s impossible to tell if every guy is going to be good to you, there are some clues you can use to tell if a guy is not going to be good for you. If your guy isn’t scoring at least a seven on the list below, you need to watch out – he may not be who you think he is! 

The Boyfriend Checklist

• He keeps his word. If he says he’ll be there, he should show up.
• He doesn’t belittle you in public or in private.
• He has a sense of humor and can laugh at himself.
• He doesn’t take out his anger on you (e.g. hitting, shoving, punching).
• He doesn’t push you further than you want to go.
• He is compassionate and willing to help others less fortunate.
• He listens to your ideas and doesn’t put them down.
• He’s willing to learn from his mistakes.
• He loves Jesus and has a regular prayer time.
• He views you as an equal in the relationship.
• He sees challenges and setbacks as opportunities to grow.
• He has other Christian guys in his life that hold him accountable.
• He does not expect you to pay when you go out together nor does he think you “owe” him something in return.
• He does the right thing–even when no one’s looking or there’s nothing in it for him.

No One’s Perfect

Let’s face it: No matter how many times we watch our favorite movies, we’re never going to find a guy like Edward Cullen in Twilight.

No one’s perfect and your guy is no exception. But if you’re having doubts about your boyfriend, talk to someone else. Your girlfriends can be a great sounding board for what’s normal and what’s not in a relationship.

By getting someone else’s input, you might spot behaviors that you hadn’t recognized for or you might just have your doubts put to rest. So go ahead…reach out to a friend or two.

Your Thoughts

What would you add to the boyfriend checklist? You can click here to comment. You can also comment anonymously by typing ‘anonymous’ in the name field.

Photo by: kenfoto

It’s tough to be the token single girl while everyone else around you seems to be pairing up.

You want someone to go out with on Friday night, someone to give you flowers on Valentine’s Day, and someone to call when it’s late and you just can’t sleep.

While single, girls can start to buy into subtle lies that just aren’t true. Believing these lies can set you up for major heartache and shake your confidence.

See if you recognize any of these four lies in your life: 

Lie #1: Dating anyone is better than dating no one.

I’ve watched many teen girls get hurt by choosing to be in a relationship with any guy that came along. The problem is not every guy will treat you right.

Imagine this: Your dad told you he is going to buy a beautiful red sports car just for you. He doesn’t tell you when, just that he will. Now would you go out and buy an old junkyard car or would you wait for the good thing your father promised to give you?

You would want to wait for that nice car. You’d spend hours dreaming of it and you’d eagerly anticipate the moment your father gave it to you.

It’s the same way with God. Psalm 84:11 tells us that, “The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.” God will send a great guy your way and like any good father, God knows when the timing is right.

Think about the example above, do you think a good father would give his five year old a car? He wouldn’t because he knows that she’s not even capable of driving.

God’s only going to send that guy when He knows you’re ready.

Try This: Make a list of qualities you want your future husband to have. Start by reading about 4 Non-Negotiables That Should Be On Your Future Husband List.

Lie #2: I’m the only one alone.

Recently a single friend confessed to me she felt lonely. She felt like she was the only single girl left in the world.

This is a classic lie. The enemy always wants us to feel isolated. The key word here is feel. He knows that our Christian friends are often the first to point out lies we’re buying into.

If you’re a single teen, it’s important stay connected to Christian friends that can help you through the rough patches since feeling isolated may also contribute to teenage depression.

Try this: When you feel lonely, call a friend. Meet them at the mall or a local Starbucks. Get out of the house and connect with someone face-to-face. You’ll be surprised at how good it makes you feel.

Lie #3: If I don’t get a boyfriend now, I never will.

When you’re a lonely teen, it’s hard to believe that life will get better. But the truth is there are seasons that come and go in each of our lives.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 reassures of this truth: “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.”

This is your season of singleness but it doesn’t mean it will last forever. The seasons of my life that were the hardest have been the experiences I needed to deepen my relationship with God. Yes, you’re in a difficult place but the rewards of enduring are so worth it, sister!

Try this: Look for someone that could use an encouraging gesture. Taking the focus off your lack of a boyfriend will cheer you up so write a letter to someone that’s going through a difficult time or send ‘just because you’re special’ flowers to a friend. Do something kind and watch the other person’s face light up!

Lie #4: There Must Be Something Wrong With Me.

We live in a world where an insane amount of worth is placed on being part of a couple and if you don’t have a boyfriend, it’s natural to feel a little left out.

But feeling a little left out can quickly cross the line into thinking there’s something wrong with you. Like you have some fatal flaw that makes you undateable to the opposite sex.

The truth is you are a beautiful, unique creation by God. While it might not seem like it, being single could be God’s protection. We’ve all known at least one girl that’s given away her heart (and maybe even her purity) to a guy only to have the relationship end later.

What happens then? Every relationship after that is tainted with the same hurt. Don’t be that girl. Trust that God has a great plan for your life.

Try this: Next time you hear your internal voice telling you that you’re not good enough or attractive enough, counter it with the truth found in God’s Word. Read 10 Love Notes from God and put those verses in areas you see everyday like in your locker, in your bedroom or on your mirror.

Your Thoughts

Can you relate to these or other lies about single teens? You can click here to comment. You can comment anonymously by typing ‘anonymous’ in the name field.

Image by: photostock

Lacy had a great life—one most teenage girls would envy. She was an honors student and class president at her high school.

She dated the cutest guy on campus and everyone liked her.

But Lacy had a secret: she was cutting herself. Some days, she found herself staring at the crisscrossed cuts on her arm in a daze. 

She wasn’t sure when her life had spun so out of control or why she couldn’t seem to stop hurting herself.

The cutting started during her parents’ ugly divorce. Between the divorce and the trauma of sexual abuse, Lacy felt trapped and powerless. But with a razor blade, she felt like she could take back some control.

She just hadn’t meant to go so far. When she first started cutting, she’d only wanted a momentary escape from the pain. Soon, cutting became her go to solution for everything that was wrong in her life.

Lacy knew she needed to stop but she didn’t know how.

What Is Self-Injury

Cutting is just one form of a complex issue known as self-injury. Some people mistakenly believe that self-injury is a suicide attempt and while that’s been disproved, self-injury is still a serious cry for help.

Cutting and other forms of self-injury can give the cutter a way to release their bottled up emotions and cope with life. Like Lacy, almost half of all cutters have been survivors of sexual abuse.

4 Tips To Stop Cutting

Almost a year after she began cutting, Lacy accidentally cut too deep. She had to go to the ER to get stitches. Lacy’s mom met her there and Lacy was forced to tell her mom what she had been doing.

Lacy’s mom was frightened but gave a her a hug and promised to help her heal. That emergency room visit was the beginning of Lacy’s change.

Lacy began seeing a therapist that she trusted. She shared her story of sexual abuse and the therapist helped her find alternatives to cutting. By the time Lacy graduated from high school, she hadn’t cut herself in months.

For Lacy and for you, there is healing and hope from a cutting or other self-injury disorder. That’s not to say the journey won’t be hard but you can find freedom.

Talk to someone. It sounds scary but telling someone else is the start of of your healing process. Don’t just tell a friend. While that can be a tempting place to start, your friends aren’t going to have the resources to help you.

Reach out to your parents or a trusted adult like a youth worker or school teacher. Your parents or teachers will be aware of resources that will help you.

Figure out why you started cutting. You may need a therapist or other mental health care professional to help you get to the root of why you cut.

Once you understand why you’ve been hurting yourself, you can deal with the underlying pain so you don’t have to continue to cut yourself.

Make healthy choices. If you make healthy choices like eating right, getting plenty of rest and exercising daily, you’ll be more likely to make healthy choices in the long term.

Choose different activities. Part of the appeal of cutting is that it gives you a way to release pent up emotions. When you’re tempted to cut, turn to other activities that give you the same feeling of release.

You might try some of these things:

• Walking your dog
• Writing down your feelings
• Watching a funny sitcom
• Taking up kick boxing or another physical activity
• Calling a friend

The important thing is to get busy doing something that takes your mind off cutting.

Your Thoughts

What advice would you give a friend that was cutting herself? You can click here to comment. You can comment anonymously by typing ‘anonymous’ in the name field.

Resources

• Isaiah 53:5
• 1 Peter 2:24
• Answers for Cutters From the Bible
• Scars That Wound, Scars That Heal: A Journey Out of Self Injury 

 Image by: Martin Marcol